Wednesday, April 27, 2011

It's been a while, but I needed it

Sometimes all some of us need is time. I needed time to clear my head, no I didn't have cold feet. I know this is the man I will spend my life with - I just needed time to pretend for a while that I wasn't a bride, so I didn't have bride stresses.

I think that if you have a long engagement this might be something that all of us go through. There is opinions coming from every angle, and you don't know how to tell people no. No I don't want to wear that dress, no I don't think my reception spot is the wrong choice, no 8 bridesmaid is not too much - they all will be beautiful. I got tired of defending my dream wedding, I got tired of letting everyone mold me into the bride they wanted me to be.

So, I took the 5 year olds way out of it. I plugged my ears, walked away and said la la la la la. I thought this was a great plan. And then 3 months from then I look back on it, and I think about what this did to my Fiance. He then to the brunt of everything, he was excited and he had no one to share it with. It was unfair, I asked him to always give me his 50% of the advice and then I walked away without giving my fair share of 50%. And now I feel awful about it.

I can only imagine the things that he may have thought because the woman he wants to marry suddenly wants to run and hide away from anything that mentions weddings. So, for that I am so sorry, and I am sorry that I did not sit down and just explain why I felt so overwhelmed, I ran away - which is something that I plan never, ever to do to our relationship.

Everything has to be perfect, and I have dreamed about this day since I was 5 years old. That's where it all brewed from. It's already perfect, and I lost sight of that. I am marrying my best friend, with our entire families and friends there to look over us. It will be a glorious day no matter whose hair style I am wearing, or if the bridesmaids have the perfect dresses. And I need to remember that if I ever come across the day where I want to plug my ears again.

P.S. Still working on that whole saying No thing, but I am getting better at it!

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